So, for the past few years I’ve felt a little directionless. That’s not to say that I haven’t been actively working towards several important goals. I have. It’s just that sometimes I feel like no matter what I accomplish, it doesn’t mean much because I’m not entirely sure that that’s what I want to be doing anyways.
It can be a bit confusing, and for the most part, I try desperately to ignore those feelings of “aimlessness.” It helps that I can appreciate what I’ve accomplished despite not being sure that any of it is really going to be useful as stepping-stones to my major life goals (which, again, are still “fuzzy-ish with a slight chance of clarity expected in the next few weeks” at this point).
This is me feeling like I’ve accomplished stuff. Yay me!
Digression: Yes, I have been gone for ten months and a day, but I’m just going to pretend that it never happened…because explaining the reasons behind my disappearance hold no appeal. Don’t worry, if you’re really interested, I’ll catch you up as I go along.
I think because I’m so unsure of what life holds, I have less of an appetite for it than many people my age. I should be enjoying every minute, I should be living it up, I should be doing countless things that people in their mid-twenties do…but I can’t seem to muster up the energy or the excitement necessary to get started.
Even more than feeling stuck in a rut, I worry that these feelings are slowly but surely leading me to hopelessness. Don’t worry, it’s nothing drastic. There are just moments, slices of time, when I can’t help but think that I’m being overtaken by…oblivion, or something just like it. There are moments when I begin to feel numb.
More than anything, I’m worried that one day I might end up a bum.
xoxo (which seems highly inappropriate considering the contents of this post, but I’m nothing if not a stickler for order, and ironically, consistency) YoshiAnn
P.S. All the landscape-y pictures are because they seemed so tranquil; for some reason these seemed to say “directionless” to me. Also, who doesn’t love pictures for pictures sake? The woodsy shots are from some time I spent up in the Adirondacks during my absence (told you, I’d fill you guys in), and the beachy/bum pics are from a trip to Puerto Rico (also during my absence).